Sinnoh Chance In Hell!
by The Neverending Meep
Summary: A satirised nuzlocke fic based on pokemon Platinum. Inspired by the reasonable success of "There's No Place Like Hoenn!" Rated T for random elements.


**Sinnoh chance in hell prologue – The night before**

"Garchomp, use Dragon Rush!" the tall and skinny blonde woman known as Cynthia orders, a look of determination showing on her face. However, a slight trace of fear can be seen marring those elegant facial features, almost as if she's simply unwilling to accept the fact that she's been reduced to her last pokémon by this newcomer; someone she could almost consider a _friend_.

"Don't let it hit you, Otis!" The young boy Lucas shouts, completely focused on the gargantuan task at hand, "Dodge it!"

With stunning grace and agility, Otis the Floatzel nimbly evades Garchomp's almighty slashing attack by jumping athletically into the air, propelling itself clean over its foe. Garchomp's attack gets the better of it, and it overbalances from its efforts, causing it to stumble and fall. But that one mis-prediction is all Otis needs…

"That's it Otis!" Lucas commands, "Hit it with your Ice Beam!"

"Floh!" Otis cries, taking in a deep breath before expelling a brilliantly while glacial beam!

An exhausted Garchomp looks up wearily, beads of sweat dripping from its face as a consequence of its vicious – but ultimately failed – attack. Its eyes dilate as the cold blast of ice rips through its body, slowly freezing it from the tail up!

"Gaaa-aaar…?!" Garchomp gasps, which is slowly reduced to a whimper as the ice crawls its way further up the enormous dragon's body. The ice shatters, and Garchomp collapses to the ground, motionless.

"Well I'll be…" Cynthia gasps, falling down to one knee from shock, "...Just a few moments ago, you were the most powerful challenger. And just now, you became the most-"

But then, her voice begins speeding up, like a tape player when someone has pushed the fast forward button. Lucas just stares at her unblinkingly, while Cynthia's eyes dart widen in a combination of shock and confusion as her mouth jabbers all sorts of strange noises, seemingly beyond her control…

* * *

A, A, A, A… push ALL the buttons!

Heh, I had you going for a moment there, didn't I?

It's four o'clock on a Monday morning, and I'm just chilling in my room, under the bed covers, playing pokémon. School in the morning, but I really could not care less. I repeatedly hammer the A button on my DS to get through Cynthia's constant whining about how she's no longer the pokémon elite champion and all of the usual crap. I've read through this at least fifty times, so please forgive me for having no interest in it any more. I just want to get through to the Battle Frontier, where REAL battles happen.

Oh good, the Hall of Fame, getting closer. More furious pummelling of the A button has that section over, and now all I've gotta do is wait for it to save for the last time, and I'm done!

"SAVING… DON'T TURN OFF THE POWER!" flashes up on the screen, and the little loading circle thingy keeps spinning around. As usual, it takes a mockingly long time to do something, and…

…huh?

The saving notification has finally disappeared, but more words are flashing up on the screen. What… the?

"Hey there! We've noticed that you seem to be tiring of this game. The A button has never taken such a beating!"

'Well this is odd…' I think to myself, rubbing my tired eyes to make sure that I'm not simply just seeing things. But sure enough, the words are still there afterwards as well. Interesting…

"So how about you give the A button a rest, and try a NEW challenge?!"

"New challenge?" I mumble quietly, actually intrigued by this. Pushing the A button _gently_ this time, and some more words flash up on the screen.

"I can see you're interested. That's good. Here are the rules:

1. You must nickname every pokémon you catch. It's a dumb rule, but this teaches you to remember that pokémon are FRIENDS, not just pixels.

2. You may only catch one pokémon per route, regardless of how you receive it. Those that are forced upon you do not count, and it must be the first pokémon you encounter in that route. If you knock out that pokémon, you are not allowed to capture something in that route. If you encounter something you've caught previously, you may knock it out and find a different pokémon

3. You may only buy poke balls and Repels. Anything else is strictly forbidden, and even poke balls are limited to five per town. You may use any items you find EXCEPT for Revives and Max Revives!"

"…no Revives?" I find myself asking? "Why not?"

And finally, rule 4. If your pokémon faints, you may not use it again. Because if it faints, it's dead. Like Kurt Cobain dead. That's why you can't use Revives.

"Dead?" I ask myself, "That's odd..."

One more line flashes up on the DS screen: "Do you accept the challenge?"

It's followed by two obvious options, 'YES' and 'NO'.

I blink slowly, trying to take in everything that I've just been 'told'. I guess if something goes wrong, there's always the handy dandy reset button to fix it, huh?

I shrug ambivalently, and slowly select the 'YES' option. More words flash up on the screen in response:

"Your fate has been sealed" it 'says', "Now get to sleep bitch. You've got a lot to learn in the morning"

"…whuh?" I mutter blandly, rubbing my tired eyes once again. Did I just get sassed by a machine?

Disregarding it as sheer exhaustion, I decide to follow its 'orders' and power off the DS. With my mind considering the possibilities of what this new 'challenge' could entail, I quickly drift off to sleep…

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey FFN.**

**Me again, bringing you another Nuzlocke fic - this time of Platinum. **

**Once again, it'll be highly satirised, so expect some of the following:**

**OOC Canon characters (guaranteed)**

**Innuendo (certain)**

**Guns, violence and anarchy (likely)**

**Language (definitely)**

**Meme references (also likely)**

**Other funny shit (probably)**

**Updates will be VERY SLOW, as I have three other active fics, and I need to actually play through Platinum to get all the teams and stuff noted, so don't expect anything for a while, OK?**

**Meep out. :3**


End file.
